You're Not Afraid of Failure. You're Just Afraid of What Others Might Think

We've all faced difficult life choices that trigger our fear of failure. But consider this: are you scared of failing, or are you actually afraid of how others might perceive your failure?

Fear of judgment stems from our desire to fit in with the group, which was necessary for survival long ago. In modern times, however, this instinct often leads to unnecessary anxiety and stifles our ability to chase our dreams.

Succumbing to these fears is detrimental to anyone looking to redesign their life, pursue new passions, and achieve personal growth. In this article, we explore why we fear being judged and how to overcome it.

Why Do We Fear Being Judged?

Unfortunately, we are hard-wired to care about other people's opinions. Long ago, fitting in with the group was necessary for survival. Being ostracized from the group meant a certain doom.

In the context of modern life, however, fixating on what others think usually causes more harm than good.

In fact, many behaviors and fears once served as survival mechanisms long ago, but are now typically harmful:

• people-pleasing
• suppressing your true self
• social anxiety
• fear of rejection

With the advent of Internet and social media, it has only become more difficult to manage deeply ingrained fears such as being judged.

Negative Impacts of Fearing Judgment

Decision Paralysis

Imagine that you dream of starting a YouTube channel, but fear holds you back. Is it the failure that scares you, or what others might think if you fail?

Society, friends, and especially family can exert pressure, making you overly concerned about their judgments. This fear can keep you stuck, where the desire for approval outweighs the drive to pursue your passions.

Giving in to the fear of judgment often causes decision paralysis, which hinders your journey toward your "ideal life". To live your best life, you must have a strong bias towards action.

Regret

In "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying" by Bronnie Ware, the author shares common regrets she heard from patients in palliative care:

“I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Denying your true self and letting others' opinions dictate your life choices will most certainly lead to a life of regret.

It is never too late to live the life that you want.

Overcome the Fear

1) The Spotlight Effect

The spotlight effect is a cognitive bias where we overestimate how much others think about our actions, mistakes, or appearance. In reality, people are often too busy thinking about themselves, wondering what you might be thinking about them (just like you!).

Next time you stress over others' opinions, remind yourself that most of your life choices go unnoticed by others. Even if they do judge, it is fleeting at best.

2) Some People's Opinions Matter More

Imagine a coworker you barely talk to giving you unsolicited advice on investing better, or a stranger commenting negatively about your outfit. You'd probably feel annoyed!

People have opinions on practically everything, but that doesn't mean you have to listen.

I'm not saying you should disregard all opinions. Instead, be selective about the people you listen to.

Think of a small group of individuals who you trust the most – people who know you and your values best. Be open-minded to what they have to say. As for everyone else? Just smile and move on.

3) Focus on What You Can Control

After reading many books on happiness, I noticed a common idea:

Focus on what's in your control, and let go of the rest

Next time you feel anxious or scared of being judged, remind yourself that:

• people will judge you (good or bad) no matter what you choose to do
• your life choices can't make everyone happy

There is a sense of freedom that comes from accepting these facts.

Conquer the Fear

Recognize that instinctual fears like being judged are significantly less useful (and often harmful) in today's modern world. Overcoming such fears is key to designing a fulfilling and authentic life.

Remember that your worth isn't defined by social approval, and shift your focus to what you can control. Live a life true to yourself, instead of following others' expectations.

Every great story begins with someone who took the first step despite their fear of being judged. Now it's your turn. 👊

Join me on a journey to redesign life, one step at a time! 🚶‍♂️